at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
