I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
