Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
