I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
