How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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