i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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