Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
