The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
