How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
