Screwed.edu
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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