He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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