We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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