Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
