You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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