apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
