talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
