moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
