I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
