id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
