I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your penis caused this!
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