hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
