Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
