I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
