Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
