My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
