I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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