i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
