i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
