Dual....:-)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
