drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Mom said you looked used
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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