Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
