Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
