Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
