im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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