did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
