He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
