Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
