We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
