Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
