dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
