this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
