It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
