I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
