I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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