so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
