im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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