but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
