he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
