im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i believe in u and ur pee
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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