Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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